Motive

There's this thing I'm doing. I haven't told very many people about this thing, and I don't want to. During this post, I'm going to call it "thing". Forgive me for being the person who uses vagueness to raise interest, but when this thing finishes, I want it to be as much of a surprise as possible.

I've got reasons for doing this thing. A plethora of reasons. I've given out a few of them when people asked, but there's one I haven't given yet. The main reason. Not the best reason, perhaps. Definitely a selfish reason.  But it's the one that, out of all my motives, pushes me the most.

Anybody who's read the blog before knows full well how I feel about being average. It's stupid. Data sets are great if you want to draw conclusions. If you're searching for validation or identity though, being near the center sucks. I'm not trying to be mean here. It's simple fact that I absolutely hate being part of what's considered "normal". I long for nothing more than to jump Tukey's fence. But that's not my motive. I don't want to be better than everybody.

What my motive is is more refined than that. It's not a struggle for some sort of reward. There are plenty of honors laying around, waiting to be picked up. What I'm doing the thing for is to prove I can. Perhaps a bit toward others, but mostly toward myself. Again, it's a bit of a selfish quest, but I think there might be a bit of collateral happiness. If I used emoticons, there'd be a semicolon followed by a left concave parenthesis where this sentence is.

Ever since the beginning of high school--heck, ever since I was 13--I've been told, "Eli, you're part of the bell curve now. This thing could not possibly happen to you." This is still happening. My friends, supportive in every other respect, keep turning against me in this issue. That's fine. I'm not going to break any friendships, but I'm not giving up on the thing either. The reason why I'm not stopping? I've discovered that I can accomplish nearly anything, so long as I'm willing to freaking ask. I've thrown inhibitions to the wind, and I'm throwing everything I can into the thing.

I am fairly confident I will succeed. I'm counting on it. I've devoted the last two months to it, and I'm betting the rest of my life on it. The funny thing about the thing is that I've tried similar endeavors on a smaller scale, and they always fall flat. Other opportunities come up, still small, but I either ignore these or I'm completely unaware they're available. I'm confident with my success in this thing is because I am proving I CAN, I can do hard things. I've never done this before. I've only approached such measures with nervous apathy. But I am resolved to succeed.

Peace out, readers.

PS: Have fun speculating over the thing. You're wrong.