Ladies and Gentlemen, I continue to be alive. November has been a busy month, but a good one. Life continues in a similar fashion. The last couple of weeks have been some of the most overwhelming and most exciting in my life. Things go well.
Deep thoughts or something? Yeah. I can do that. Today's question is: "Eli, what drives you?"
Of course, the classic response would be something about how I prefer to bike, but that joke is both corny and untrue. In response to this question, I found that I have chauffeurs. I rarely ever am driven by myself. Self-motivation is something that's hard to find and even harder to understand. What I am driven by is others. Not by their expectations. You can yell at me all you want, and nothing is going to change. What drives me is the competition.
This realization was weird. I am far from a Type A personality, partially due to how they don't exist. Also due to the way I try to be laid-back and passive with my dealings among my fellow men. However, under this calm facade, I found that it is one-uppery that drives me. For months now, I've been looking back on my elementary school days. Why was I such a better student then than I am now? The answer: I wanted to be the best. Not some "my personal best" crap. The best.
Toolish? A little. But my drive was never to stick a crown on my head. It was legitimately for self-gain. I have found that it is this competition that shaped me, not into a tyrant, but somebody who could get a shot at the glory. It wasn't just trying to be a better debater. It was trying to be the best debater. I didn't want to just learn Chinese. I wanted to speak with more fluidity and eloquence than anyone in my class. I was not as successful as I had hoped, but I did well.
So the next time you see me alpha-maling or scrambling to stick myself at the top of the heap, don't take it personally.
Eli you are the BEST!
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